Jacked Up

And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV!

So, against my better judgment, I tuned into the VMAs last night. Normally, I would avoid this, as it's basically a rapper's platform to say, "hey, look at me, look at how many bitches and hoes I have." But the offer of the Raconteurs as House Band was too much, along with Jack Black as host. Jacks Black and White on the same show? I had to see. After all, hadn't it been Black who, as Dewey Finn in School of Rock, had uttered the above line? No way would he allow the suits at MTV to tone him down. I was partially right; he was as crazy as ever, but still, somehow, toned down. I could see most of the jokes coming from miles away, even before I could see the twinkle of all the bling that populated the show. I sat through boring, predictable performances by Justin Timberlake (performing his hit song, SexyBack, surprisingly enough) and Shakira (although, for some reason, I enjoyed Shakira's slightly more than Justin's. . .) before I heard a song start up courtesy of the Racs. But as they began the chord progression of "Level," I couldn't belive my eyes. There was a menu for what was coming up next. . .what? Then the camera was on Paris, and slowly zoomed out. What the hell was MTV doing? Before I knew it, they were at commercial. I was pissed. This happened for the rest of the show, either cutting off as the songs started or only coming in as they ended. After awhile, realizing there was no redeeming value (and after seeing Paris try to present, like, an award, or something) I shut it off.
However, there was one notable high point of the show. P!nk won an award for Best Female Video (or something like that-for every video, all the nominees were the same, which included me having to see Madonna in a leotard far more than I ever wanted) for her song "Stupid Girls," which, ironically, criticizes MTV and its worship of anorexic blonde girls like Paris. P!nk walked on stage and exclaimed, in perfect Hilton fashion, "Ohmygawd, I won!" and continued like that for her acceptance speech. You could tell MTV wanted to cut her off, but that would have created controversy that even the most blind followers of MTV could not miss (I have no doubt that most of the Laguna Beach-watchers had no idea P!nk was making fun of them). A truly classic moment.